Tuesday, October 19, 2010

“Do you think that you lost it, you felt it so strong but nothing turned out how you wanted”

Rushing out of the house, like being chased by a dog, and not having a clue that the coffee mug is unlocked; RIP white shirt. Getting to her parking spot a minute too late, and some jerk swerves his car into her parking spot! Making it to class just in time, she goes to her seat, before the attendance call begins. Getting through the morning classes, while drinking coffee, writing notes and still trying to wake up! Although she has been rushing through it all since the morning, the day itself is going by quite slowly. Sinking back into her chair she takes a deep breath, and tries to process what the teacher is going on and on about. After about five minutes of listening to the teacher’s yap, she reaches into her pocket to take out her blackberry. The only way to make the clock tick faster was if she put her fingers to work. She unlocks the blackberry to send her first text message and the screen reads ‘Good bye’. Low battery. Oh the day has only begun! She takes a big sip of her coffee, and starts to count down the minutes.

Noon came along and the day got even worse. There were two meetings to attend, back to back and a test to write. She stands by her locker for a minute trying to prioritize the three tasks she has to complete and makes the wrong choice. She writes the test, which turned out to be just a mock quiz (for those of you who don’t know a mock quiz is a replacement test that is optional). The two meetings that she missed for this lovely ‘mock test’ were probably the most important ones she had ever missed. What do you know…today just wasn’t her day.

Comes evening after an endless amount of rushing and she comes home. Sitting at her computer desk, after putting her cell phone on charge, she thinks about the ridiculous day she has had and everything that made it so ridiculous:

The missed meetings,
dead cell phone
the stain on the shirt that will stay forever.
the lack of sleep which was going to leave her feeling lazy and drowsy now.
Being on time, yet a minute too late to park

Two and a half hours have almost gone by and she is lost in the world of numbers, trying to figure out the equations for those damn math problems. It’s about time something distracted her. The cell phone all charged and full of energy now began to buzz; all the texts and emails she missed today are all being received now starting from the latest. There were three texts and a missed call.

Text one: Did you hear? Why did she do it?? I don’t know what to do… - 3:39 pm.

Text two: Hey bud. I’m so sorry about Paige. L May her soul rest in peace. - 12:10 pm.

Text three: Hey. This is Paige’s brother. Paige passed away. She committed suicide. It might have been late last night or early this morning we don‘t know. You’re one of her long term friends, so I felt I should tell you. - 10:33 am.

Missed call: Paige Leduck. 3:49 am.

The first tear rolls down and she is back in the summer of 2003 when Paige walked in to her life. By the time the second tear absorbs into her shirt she is in December 2007, sharing a giant piece of chocolate cake with her at the New Year’s Eve party. At the drop of the third tear she imagines herself answering The phone call.

The tears dry up and she is back in the existing moment in time, lying in bed now. The night is prolonging with a thousand questions in her mind. She had completely lost track of when the hours between the evening turned into a silent night. Lying in her bed now she enters the state of deep nostalgia. Thinking about:

The chances that she missed of telling Paige how much she loved her.
The dead cell phone preventing her from taking that call.
Feeling as if she was too late to make a difference now.
The print she left on her heart, that will stay forever.
The lack of sleep which was going to leave her an insomniac now.

This is Yours Truly sharing a piece of her heart =]



  1. I don't have any words that'll describe how this made me feel.

    When something like that happens, it's followed an onslaught of memories, and a whole range of feelings that knock you out.

    when I read that, it made me once again realise the importance of time and life. Who knows when what'll happen.




  2. ohhhh...... That is really sad :( May she rest in peace.

  3. That's true. Its always followed by an onslaught of memories. Nicely said.

  4. I am so sorry :(
    I honestly dont know what to say. One of the hardest things in life is to lose someone you love and then the process that follows is tough.


  5. Thank you all for the kind comments. =) I truly appreciate them.

  6. stay strong huni
    miss anon