Saturday, December 4, 2010

"A picture is worth a thousand words" [I really hope that's true]

In the last 31 days of the year, many of us tend to sit back and reflect upon how the whole year was overall. For some, the first thing that comes to mind are the triumphs and for others it maybe tragedies. Every one of the experiences one goes through make shapes them into a more experienced person. Also, for many of us, December is a chaotic month, and because of that, this might be my last post for this year.
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Sometimes, it is difficult to come up with words to describe our thoughts and feelings, and once the words are there, they don't always flow as beautifully as the Niagara falls. So instead of trying to come up with the right words to say what I have to say, I will just leave you with these pictures, and hopefully they will speak the words for me...

I hope these pictures serve as a friendly reminder of things we quite easily forget. Maybe they can help you reflect upon this year's ups and downs. It is quite possible that they will put a smile on your face, motivate you, send you on a trip down memory lane or, will just sit there and go Awwwwh.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year to you all =]

Yours Truly

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You click 'Refresh' on Facebook again, you might as well burn the house down.

The one thing you don't hear often, is that the friends you have are just as important as a mom, dad, sister, brother. Therefore, when you get too caught up with work because the boss is on your case about that one report due on Friday. Or, when you work all weekend for that book review on Shakepsear's Hamlet. And, when you're driving around the city picking up your kids from a soccer game or dropping them off to a game, the ropes that starts to dangle first are the friendships. There is no more time for that coffee date with her on Saturday. You just can't seem to fit in that time to have the Msn chat with the friend that long distant friend. Logging on to Facebook, becomes a big no no, because it is far too distracting. This is where the 'drifting away' begins. It builds up and up, and before you know it, the two of you have become too distant.

 A few days ago, I was having a discussion with a very good friend of mine who happens to be =]. He is going to kill me for posting that link. Anyhoooo, we were discussing how sometimes we are too busy to make time for friends, and even family sometimes. We discussed, how most of the time, when people say they are too busy, they are just being lazy. "You can always make time if you really tried", said he. Some people are just so used to shooting out the phrase, "Sorry. Can't, I'm busy". It is one of those cliched responses, that we blurt out without thinking first.  Then, there is also the ones who are actually busy. Like, the examples I gave above about the intern at the office, the english student and the soccer mom. Those sort of tasks can occupy a great deal of our time, but it's only temporary. If you are constantly going to keep telling yourself and others that you are too busy, in the long run you are going to turn into a loser who has no friends. Pinch me for being so blunt. You cut yourself off from texting, msn, facebook and myspace, because God forbid you like a status when you are meant to be busy working. You will be a loser, because you thought that you will stay busy forever and always when really it only lasts a week or two. So, you should take five minutes to send that friend an email and just say Hi, and explain that you have been busy. Ask if you can make it up to them. Do this after you have handed in that report, but before moving on to the next task. In the discussion, my friend pointed out something important, which was prioritzing. If you prioritize, it forces you to schedule your time accordingly, and hopefully you will choose to have that one hour coffee date before you start on the second report due for next week.

To end this post on a friendlier note, I would like to share something I came across the other day: "No matter how busy you are, make time for the people who matter" because...

This is Yours truly's lame attempt at writing a Good blog. =P

peace x =]

Monday, November 1, 2010

“Some day we'll be old enough to start reading fairy tales again”

Star Light Star bright                                
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

As a child I strongly believed in the power of those four lines and I even had a particular star I used to wish upon. My star. Whether it was a new toy, the perfect birthday present, coloring books, you name it, wishing upon a star and reciting the rhyme was how I got it. Along with being my wishing star, it was also my most comforting friend. On the dark nights I felt scared, it would twinkle and in its luminosity I would feel secure. On nights that I was angry, it would listen silently to my endless rants and cries. On one of those upsetting nights, somewhere between my outbursts I made a wish: “I wish I grow up really fast so everybody would stop treating me like a child!” I think you know what happened next.

I’m seventeen now, and far from my childhood. In a matter of years I have grown up a fair amount mentally, physically and emotionally. As I get older I learn responsibility, maturity, loyalty, intelligence and strength and all sorts of traits that stir together to make a good adult. I have also gained enough sensibility and analytical skills to know that wishing upon a star is not the way to pursue what I am after. In fact, it is considered very silly to do so, in this adolescent world I now live in. Being responsible, reasonable and working hard is really how I am supposed to pursue what I desire. I am often told that I’m growing up to be a good adult followed by a pat on the back. Every now and then people will stop me and ask, “What are your plans for the future? “; “Have you learned to drive yet? “; “Do you have a part time job? “ I answer these questions quickly because frankly, these questions are not my favourite. Maybe it is the cliché effect or the repetition that I am quite bored of. Whichever it is, it makes me wish I would get asked something different for a change.

Last Sunday as I was working on some class projects my sister came into my room to say goodnight. I was locked so tight in my profound state of concentration that her entrance somewhat startled me. She stood resting one hand on my shoulder looking at my work in puzzlement, and commented, “This looks like hard stuff!” Trying to suppress my laughter at her childish choice of words she chose to comment on the work she found fairly complex I replied, “It sure is. The older you get the harder life gets”. Now that I think back to this late night conversation, my reply to her question must have contained a hint of regret which I failed to notice but she certainly did not. With more questioning and puzzlement dispersing across her face she asked, “Do you miss your childhood?” Caught off guard by her question which seemed rather philosophical for a nine year old whose main concern is usually, “What flavour of ice-cream should I get” I asked “What?” “Do you miss being a kid?” she rephrased, assuming I didn’t know what childhood meant. The answer to the question is a Yes, but it’s not easy to put that ‘yes’ into words that a nine year old would understand. So, I decided to go with the best answer I was able to come up with: “Sometimes.” I smiled, we hugged goodnight and she left the room, and I was left sitting there lost in wistfulness.

I do miss my childhood. I miss being innocent. I miss having the freedom of running around in my diaper without having a care in the world. I miss having the hardest decision to make being, “Should I color this picture blue or red?”. I miss feeling superb each time I remembered to wash my hands after a meal or bathroom trip. I miss the walks to and from the bus stop with my mom. I miss riding the bike with my friend. My special friend. I miss her too. Most of all, I miss being insensible to nostalgia. Like any other growing child, I barely ever stopped to look back because I was too focused on exploring what was ahead of me. The first time I ever truly longed for my childhood was the day I found out that my special friend had passed away. That was a life changing experience for me and although I sometimes wish I could turn back time and go back to the childhood, I know that I have to look ahead. After all, the only way to get over the loss of a friend and the nostalgic feeling is to move forward right?

Whenever an adult consoles me about my loss, they always mention that I should be moving forward and avoid looking back at the past as it will only cause more sorrow; ironically I  find myself looking back and reminiscing quite often. The faster I move forward the more obstacles I come across and the more nostalgic I feel. When I sit in a classroom with a blank page and a pen in front of me, required to write a thousand word essay, I remember how effortless it was to write, “I love you Mommy!” on a piece of paper and post it on the fridge.  Each time my pressure valve begins to compress I turn to look back at the days when stress did not exist. When I sit in driver’s seat for the first time, I miss balancing my hands and feet on my bike riding alongside with my friend. When I saw her face for the last time at her funeral with tearful eyes, I remembered how painless it was to smile and wave at her at the end of the school day, being certain that we would meet again the next day. Sitting in a room in a state of melancholy, trying to heal that hole in my heart, I think back and smile at all the times I fell off the swing and cried over a scraped knee. That is nostalgia to me.

As the saying goes, the good comes with the bad; there are many wonderful things about this adolescent life. Although I do miss the days I spent living in my personal bubble of happiness, I also know that the understanding, maturity and sensibility I have gained as I am growing up has helped me learn more about myself. Losing my friend changed my perspective in the sense that I am now able to understand and relate to others sorrow. To some extent of course, because I have also learned that everyone has different sorrows, and they come to terms with it in their own way. Many times when I feel sorrow I want to rant and cry, but at the same time I feel that I should count my blessings and be thankful for what I had and have.

Childhood and adulthood are the opposite ends of the same continuum. Some choose to live in the past [childhood] and freeze in the moments surrounded by nostalgia while, others move forward and never look back. I try my best to balance both. I remember everyday spent with my friend with contentment and as I move forward, I make sure to look back from time to time and reflect on what I had. Though she is not with me, I still have the memories from our childhood to remember her by. I am blessed to have had a childhood to which I can look back at with tears of joy rather than with tears of sorrow. Although, my childhood is long gone and all that is left is a box full of memories, there are some parts of it I have still been able to hold on to. When my nostalgia leaves me feeling sorrow and when the tears start to roll down, I slide open the window. I look out to find my star in the sky, and sometimes I come across two. Could the second star be my friend perhaps? I’m not certain but what I am certain of is this: there are certain things that left long ago, and cannot be brought back; then, there is some that we thought we had lost and yet they were here all along.

This is Yours Truly sharing what's on her mind =]

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Writing is like a bath from which you come out feeling cleaner, healtheir, and free-er ;)

This blog post will not make sense to you unless you know what Area 51 is. If not, then check this out before you read the post. 

Read it ? Sweet! Now let's take a look at what the lovely English professor at the University of Alberta has to say about Area 51...

 Area 51
An underground, secret, scary place that might not even really exist, so perfect for storing bodies of Extraterrestrials and escapees from the Cold War dirty tricks gone bad.
We need Area 51 - in fact we all have our own "Area 51". The places in our brains we hide away the things we don't want to show the world, or have the world look into too deeply. Roswell is inside everyone, guarded to keep our own conspiracies of self safe from danger - to us and OTHERS.

Not badly written in a two minute time frame ;)

This is Yours Truly sharing what's on her mind =]


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

“Do you think that you lost it, you felt it so strong but nothing turned out how you wanted”

Rushing out of the house, like being chased by a dog, and not having a clue that the coffee mug is unlocked; RIP white shirt. Getting to her parking spot a minute too late, and some jerk swerves his car into her parking spot! Making it to class just in time, she goes to her seat, before the attendance call begins. Getting through the morning classes, while drinking coffee, writing notes and still trying to wake up! Although she has been rushing through it all since the morning, the day itself is going by quite slowly. Sinking back into her chair she takes a deep breath, and tries to process what the teacher is going on and on about. After about five minutes of listening to the teacher’s yap, she reaches into her pocket to take out her blackberry. The only way to make the clock tick faster was if she put her fingers to work. She unlocks the blackberry to send her first text message and the screen reads ‘Good bye’. Low battery. Oh the day has only begun! She takes a big sip of her coffee, and starts to count down the minutes.

Noon came along and the day got even worse. There were two meetings to attend, back to back and a test to write. She stands by her locker for a minute trying to prioritize the three tasks she has to complete and makes the wrong choice. She writes the test, which turned out to be just a mock quiz (for those of you who don’t know a mock quiz is a replacement test that is optional). The two meetings that she missed for this lovely ‘mock test’ were probably the most important ones she had ever missed. What do you know…today just wasn’t her day.

Comes evening after an endless amount of rushing and she comes home. Sitting at her computer desk, after putting her cell phone on charge, she thinks about the ridiculous day she has had and everything that made it so ridiculous:

The missed meetings,
dead cell phone
the stain on the shirt that will stay forever.
the lack of sleep which was going to leave her feeling lazy and drowsy now.
Being on time, yet a minute too late to park

Two and a half hours have almost gone by and she is lost in the world of numbers, trying to figure out the equations for those damn math problems. It’s about time something distracted her. The cell phone all charged and full of energy now began to buzz; all the texts and emails she missed today are all being received now starting from the latest. There were three texts and a missed call.

Text one: Did you hear? Why did she do it?? I don’t know what to do… - 3:39 pm.

Text two: Hey bud. I’m so sorry about Paige. L May her soul rest in peace. - 12:10 pm.

Text three: Hey. This is Paige’s brother. Paige passed away. She committed suicide. It might have been late last night or early this morning we don‘t know. You’re one of her long term friends, so I felt I should tell you. - 10:33 am.

Missed call: Paige Leduck. 3:49 am.

The first tear rolls down and she is back in the summer of 2003 when Paige walked in to her life. By the time the second tear absorbs into her shirt she is in December 2007, sharing a giant piece of chocolate cake with her at the New Year’s Eve party. At the drop of the third tear she imagines herself answering The phone call.

The tears dry up and she is back in the existing moment in time, lying in bed now. The night is prolonging with a thousand questions in her mind. She had completely lost track of when the hours between the evening turned into a silent night. Lying in her bed now she enters the state of deep nostalgia. Thinking about:

The chances that she missed of telling Paige how much she loved her.
The dead cell phone preventing her from taking that call.
Feeling as if she was too late to make a difference now.
The print she left on her heart, that will stay forever.
The lack of sleep which was going to leave her an insomniac now.

This is Yours Truly sharing a piece of her heart =]


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

If you can't explain it simply, you don't have to

‘What would happen if I ever lost my loved ones? If mom, dad, my sisters, Iqra, or my gradnma, were to leave and move to heaven, how would I survive? How many tears would I shed before, I can finally get a hold of myself and move on with life? How long will it be till I can resist crying, and smile? Honestly smile? Would I ever be able to forget them? Would I want to forget them? I wouldn’t. I’d remember them every day of my life. It must be very hard to lose someone so close.’  Those were her last thoughts as she wiped the tear from her eye, closed them and turned over to get some sleep and a break from such painful thoughts.

That what I just shared up there with you, was written from a perspective of someone who has never lost someone very close to her heart. She has seen many deaths, and heard many cries but all from a distant. She doesn’t know what it’s like to lose someone so dear. God has blessed her with a loving family and some loving friends and she thanks Him for this blessing every day. She doesn’t know how much sorrow can be filled in those tears. She fails to understand how the memories that once made a person laugh till they couldn’t breathe can also haunt them so they can barely sleep. She also doesn’t know that the heart can become so heavy that it feels like it weighs a Ton, and the weight doesn’t lift off till much later. She doesn’t share any experience of a Great loss what so ever. However, she has a talent that many of us lack. She has the courage to show compassion. I use the word courage because every body cares and everybody has compassion, but many hide it or are just too ignorant to show it. She may not know what it is like to lose a best friend or a sibling or a parent but she cares for those who have. She truly respects their courage because she knows that if she can get her eyes to tear up by only imagining a great loss, then the people who have actually lost must be miserable to the extreme. This girl realises one thing about herself, that we sometimes fail to do so. She knows that she is a human being and specifically of the female gender which is the more complex one. As a human being, she knows that she is complicated beyond belief. She also realises with some disappointment that as a perplexed human who has not yet been through a great loss, she can not understand the pain. Yet, she tries and many times fails miserably. But she’s there to listen, if you want to talk. She has two shoulders to offer where you can wipe your tears. If you prefer Kleenex she has those too. She can give you as many hugs as you need. She will not say, “I understand.”, “I know how you feel” But she cares and she would like you to let her care for you. She is willing to look up at the stars with you in silence if that’s what you prefer and help you find the one you’re searching for. She doesn’t like to see people in pain whether she feel it or not, but she’ll do everything in her power to try and understand the sorrow and ease the pain. That is all.

This is yours truly sharing with you what's on her mind. =]

Saturday, October 9, 2010

'Save Tonight and Fight the Break of Dawn'

October 5, 2010 at 7:15 am exactly my Blackberry ‘ding-ed’ to wake me up like usual. Just as I do every single day I got out of bed, rubbing my eyes and stumbled over to the phone to turn off the alarm. However, when I went to click the ‘turn off’ button for the alarm I saw there was no alarm. Ugh! I forgot to set the alarm again!, I thought to myself and put the cell phone back on the table. As I was turning back I realised, if I had forgot to set the alarm then how and why did the cell phone ‘Ding’?. This was turning out to be one weird morning, because normally I would get out of bed, turn off the alarm, go to the bathroom, get ready and get on with the day. Never would I sit there with my eyes half shut, grabbing the phone and putting it back and grabbing it again, while the whole time my bed is calling me back to sleep. And on top of that have these little conversations going on in my head. I rubbed my eyes once again and looked back at the phone, to see a tiny yellow envelope on the top of the screen. Yes, it was an email notifying ding. I smiled and rolled my eyes, because I knew exactly who’s email it was, and I also knew that it was going to be something awesome and would put a big smile on my face by the time I was finished reading it. So, instead of waiting till the end of the email to smile, why not open it with a smile? I clicked the box and popped open this: "Hey buddy! How are you?....Have a lovely day! =] x". The email also had a beautiful PowerPoint attached to it. Reading this email and watching that PowerPoint was the first thing I did that morning, and after that I sat there for a minute smiling and thinking how sweet my friend was to send me this email. He probably didn’t expect me to read it first thing in the morning while stumbling out of bed and having stupid little conversations in my head, but there honestly couldn’t have been a better time to read it. The reason for that being, at the end of the previous day I was hit with some upsetting news and it had turned my day into shit! This email I got the next morning had me smiling all day and for a few short hours I forgot about the ‘upsetting news’ that had hit me the night before. Even though there were just nine simple words and a short PowerPoint in the email, the fact that my friend took the time to send me that email was the real reason I was smiling. For him this may be a ‘no big deal’, since he is the sender, but for the one who received it, [and opened it first thing in the morning], it’s quite something. It reminds me of the saying, ‘Friendships is not one big thing, it’s a million little things.' 

The reason I'm sharing this little story with you is because I personally believe that, putting a smile on some one's face, whether it be a friend, a family member or a complete stranger is the most gratifying thing Ever! So try it...send somebody a text or an email it doesn't have to contain a complete message, just a 'hi' and a smile face would do! It's the smallest and the least time consuming thing you can do, and yet could have a BIG impact, because the person on the other end could be having a crappy day and could really use a smile. Or, they could be having an awesome day, in which case your message would probably just add to their happiness! =]

This is Yours Truly sharing what's on her mind.

Peace ;)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

What the...

"Ohh!! what a story man!", she said in a voice so high pitched that the glass on the table was ready to end its life. "Hey! why don't you blog dude?. This comment/suggestion was given to me from a very close friend of mine who read a personal response essay I wrote two years back. To be honest, I didn't pay much attention to it, it just sort of went in through one ear and out the other. But now, two years later, that close friend of mine and a few others have been on my case about creating a blog. After being nagged so much, I decided what the hay, it wouldn't kill to share my thoughts, opinions and perspective with the world so I will. All set and ready and pumped about making a 'Blog', ooh a Blog, I logged on to the computer, found this site and signed up. The idea of posting my very first blog was all that was in my head! Other than that, I had absolutely NO idea of what one is supposed to do when posting a blog! It finally hit me and my excitement just died, like buried its self in a corner somewhere. What the..! I don't know how to Blog!!  There's no topic, no film to study, no story or poem or picture to analyse, no question to answer. Then what the... am I supposed to write here? Where do I start? Sure, I have read many blogs and fantastic ones too, but all those bloggers were inspired or touched by some sort of experience or idea. What my inspiration. I don't got the moment! But, after sinking deeper and deeper into my chair, I realised that everything has a beginning. The beginning is here. I have just shared my very first blog with you. A blog about writing a blog! Is it lame? sure. Is it a reality that many fresh bloggers and writers face? Hell yeah! [oops! I promised myself I wasn't going to curse here. Crap!]

It's not always easy finding a starting point. Some things in front of us are so puzzling that we can't tell where the starting point is. Sometimes things look like big loops and circles and there just doesn't seem to be a starting point. So we just have to pick up a piece of that puzzle and place it where we think it belongs, after that the rest will fall into its right place. And what about those big loops and circles you ask? Just stand on any one point and call it your beginning.

Yours truly