Recently the topic of Marriage, and the role of spouses has been an uproar here. People as always have different stands on what is the role of the husband and what is the role of the wife. This is not a bad thing, as long as you are not vaguely backing up your opinions with saying, ‘Islam says this’. If you haven’t done research and extensively looked into what Islam actually says about marriage and the role of spouses, then kindly put a smelly sock in your mouth! :)
Excuse my sarcasm, but this is an issue that really makes me chuckle at times. You hear joke like the following and I think of what a joke people have made this issue:
The mention of Islam was kind of off topic. That is not what I am here to talk about, but I thought it was important to mention it because people often confuse their Islamic practices with their cultural practices. Do your research people and get it right. As heart breaking as it sounds, it is your culture that says, ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’, not your religion. (:
What I am here to really talk about is MY stand on this topic. I shall share with you what I think the role of each spouse is, and you may agree or disagree.
I think, it should be as simple as 50-50%:
In today’s society, in most households both spouses are full-time workers. Whether you live in the west, north, east, or south, that is what most house-holds are like. Since that is the case, then please dear hubbies, don’t expect your wife to work 9-5 outside the house and the do the endless house chores herself too! Pitch in. You’re in it as much as she is.
I think, it should and it most of the time does become 70-30% when it comes to kids:
Keeping to Islamic teachings, which is very common sense, the mother plays a huge role in the children’s lives and when it comes to raising kids, the mother has to go the extra mile. But, the hubbies should realise that, and step up to the plate when it comes to kids. This doesn’t mean just doing extra house chores while your wife is busy with the kids, but it also means to spend time with your children. Everyone knows that kids need their dad as much as their mom.
Honestly, most marriages I have seen are of friends in abroad getting married to guys or girls back home, and sponsoring them, and so these are the types of marriages I will refer to.
If you are marrying someone who you have to sponsor, be sure to plan it out! The immigration process takes more than 2 years (so I’ve heard). If you know that, then explain this to your spouse. Travelling back and forth in the 2 years can be hard, especially if you are still in school. Make sure your spouse understands that. Also, settling in with the spouse can be hard, especially when you’re on your own and not living with your husband’s family like it is back in India and Pakistan. If that is the case, then make sure that you are financially stable, have jobs, a roof over your head, before you think about having children. Children are great, they are a blessing, but don’t have them if you are not ready. Also, this gives you time to get to know your spouse a little better before you start a family. Think and plan.
Does that mean you shouldn’t marry if you’re not financially ready? No. This is a fear that many people have, but keeping with Islamic teachings, it is recommended to get married, and Allah will shower his blessings. Plus, its better to have a partner to support you during struggles, than to struggle alone.
Even today people frown upon the fact that two people who are about to get married should discuss such things. Here is my question, why shouldn’t they? They are about to make a huge life changing decision. They have every right to plan their future, give each other their point of view. It will only help the marriage flourish. Yes, people back in the day stepped into marriage blindly and they are still living a happy and married life. God bless them. But, today is different. Today we don’t step into big decisions without thinking about them, because we are afraid of the consequences. Everyone is aware of the rising divorce rates in the world today. In EVERY society. How can you then expect someone to step into a marriage with blind folds on?
Today the roles of the spouses have drifted a long way from what they used to be. The man is not just the breadwinner and protector anymore, and the wife isn’t simply the home-maker and mother. Have they switched roles? No. But the two have become more cooperative and understanding of each other, and so they should be.
And with that, I shall bid farewell.
Have a great weekend lovely readers! I shall see you soon.
Yours Truly x