Read it. Ponder over it. Call it what your heart pleases.

 

 

Confused.

Empty.

That’s what I was feeling like a few days ago. Lying in bed, waiting for sleep to approach but it never came. Hearing friends talk but not listening to a word that escaped their mouth. Sitting in front of an empty Word screen waiting for the mind to spit out some words, but it remained blank. It was overwhelming. I was feeling lost . I had to be somewhere, but my destination was a blur. As sleep had betrayed me, I was constantly tired and never in the mood to speak to anyone. Going out, answering the phone, chatting with the family, I had put a stop on it all. Just me in my room, in my bed trying to figure out where and when I fell off the track. No luck. I felt like a lost bird, in search of peace. I dreaded the nostalgia, and I dreaded the sleepless nights. Keeping busy didn’t help. I would work stupidly long hours in a week, yet still feel empty inside, and more tired. Days went by with more thinking, more depression and more sleepless nights. I was feeling like I was on one side of the edge and everyone on the opposite side. There was no middle ground. And that place? I was still looking to find that one place, which would bring me peace. Where I could quench my thirst.

On Friday morning, around 11am while I was reading a novel I received a Text message on my phone: “Mosque at 1. You coming?”. Normally, I would make up an excuse and say no to any invitations I received during my period of “confusion”. But fate had other plans for me that day. For some reason, that I can’t remember now, I said Yes. I showered, drank a cup of tea and in a matter of half hour I was ready and waiting by the window for her car to show up. In the time I was waiting, I debated a hundred times whether I should call her up and tell her I can’t go to Jummah today, but I couldn’t.

The mosque was packed with people waiting for Salah. As I entered through the doors I could hear the Adhaan so I rushed inside, without stopping to talk to anyone and found a spot at the prayer mats.  I could feel everyone’s eyes staring me down, wondering where I had been for so long. Without further adieu the Salah began and we all stood up in unity, to began the prayers.  A feeling of peace and pleasure flowed through my mind, body and soul as I followed the Imam in the prayers and let myself open up to Allah (swt).  I had found a connection. A connection to something that made everything feel right. The Salah, followed by some supplications, and a lecture by the sheikh all happened over a period of 3 hours. But, where those hours went, I couldn’t keep track of. Lost in my profound state of tranquility I spent the day at the mosque reading up on some books, starting with the Holy Quran and ending with a brief talk with the Sheikh. I was back on track. I had made peace with myself, and my surroundings.  And what do you know? With my mind, body and soul finally at peace I slept like a baby that night.

**************************************

“And when my servants ask you about Me, then (say to them that) verily I am very near; I answer the prayers of the supplicant when he beseeches Me. So they should hear My call, and believe in Me, so that They may be led aright.”

(AL BAQARAH: 186)

 

Ramadan Mubarak to all my dear Muslim followers and readers. :)

Yours Truly x

“Wake up in the morning with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen”

 

 

 

If there was anything lonelier in this world than her, it would be the graveyard! The funny thing is, it is the loneliest place on earth, yet even the deceased have company all around them. Like I once heard in a film: “When we’re alone, we’re all together in that too”. So what makes her loneliness so difficult to watch? Oh she's looking at me now. Trying to figure out why on earth I’m staring at her, while my fingers are dancing around on the keyboard. I think you and I both agree that she can use some company. Let’s go talk to her. ;)

“What’s up?”

“Nothing! Why are you staring at me weirdo?”

“I was trying to figure out why you’re sitting here so depressed. Who died?”

“Shut up! Nobody died”

“Then, why the sad face?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry :)”

“Weren’t you supposed to be going out with your friends tonight? What happened to that?”

“It got cancelled. Some of them couldn’t make it. Some of us had an argument.”

“I see! Why don’t you go out and do something on your own? Go shopping, buy that new camera you wanted?”

“All alone? That’s no fun.”

“See that’s your problem right there. You think you always need someone to be with you, in order to enjoy yourself. That’s not always true you know. We only need others when we are at conflict with ourselves.”

“So you want me to lose my friends and be by myself? Isn’t that like being lonely?”

(Wasn’t staring out the window on a bright summer day, like being lonely..?)

“I’m not asking you to lose your friends. I’m just saying that you should befriend yourself. Spend time with yourself, get to know yourself, learn to be happy with yourself. Get what I mean Jellybean?”

“Would you like to do something with me?”

“This same offer that you made to me, maybe you should make to yourself.”

*******************************

Having friends is a blessing no doubt, but to take them for granted so much so that we become dependant on them is something to think about. Many times, and I say this from my personal experience with my lovely lovely friend RR, we need a friend to offer us their friendship before we can befriend ourselves. We need someone to show us the light and teach us how to love and appreciate life as it is. Other times, it is important to have a strong relationship with ourselves prior to making bonds with others. That way, when there comes a time in our life that we find ourselves to be friendless, there will always be that one person that we can count on: Our very own self. ;)

 

 Hope you lovely people are having a lovely week!

 

Yours Truly x

“R.I.P to the girl you used to see. Her days are over. Baby she’s over.”

I just took a doze of some cough syrup. Horrid horrid taste, in case you’re wondering. The syrup is meant to put me to sleep, so before the drowsiness kicks in let’s see how much I can write.

************************************

Last week I was at work, and had just started my shift. I was positioned on the Sales floor in the Toddler/Baby section and there was a LOT of work to be done. New shipment had arrived early in the morning that day, so all the boxes had to be busted open, and the new stock had to be put out. That doesn’t sound so hard does it? Well, the rule of law is that whenever there is new shipment for the new season that  whole part of the shop has to change. That means, that I was supposed to rearrange the whole Toddler/baby section according to the picture sent to me by the Corporate Gods chilling on their Italian Leather sofas with their cigars lit up in the Company’s Headquarters down east. To make matters slightly more interesting, there was a HUGE sale going on in the store that week specifically on Toddler/baby merchandise to get rid of the Summer wear, to make room for the Fall items packed in those HUGE cardboard boxes just staring at me. You would think, the Head office people would have thought this through, yeah? However they failed to realise that the ‘Sale’ they had put on attracts the average shopper to the store like Dogs. Once the store puts up those BIG red sale signs, it gets bombarded with Shopaholics looking for the cheapest priced items in the most disgusting, unorganized, and rude manner. Complete chaos.

At the start of my shift, I decided to take a look around me at the shop and how the merchandise was organized at the moment, then look at the picture and see what had to be changed around. The shelves had to come down, and replaced by hooks and rods. The posters had to be changed, the manikins had to be undressed and redressed and so on. Without wasting any time I decided to grab a ladder and begin with the display manikins sitting on the top shelves. This required a lot of patience, since the ladder was BIG, and a bit wobbly, the top shelves were WAY up top, and the cherry on the ice: I am a wee bit scared of heights. As I carefully brought the ladder out and made my way through a crowd of people shopping and walking about, I gently placed it against the wall and locked it in place. Carefully climbing up the ladder, trying not to look down, I grabbed a firm hold of the manikins, which were quite small and light compared to the bigger ones that are used to display Men's/Women's clothes. As I was climbing my way down the ladder I felt a slight poke on my back. “Excuse me”, I heard a small voice behind me following the poke. Though I couldn’t see her, I thought her voice was very familiar. “Yeah. Just a second”, I answered politely. When I finally reached the the floor I placed the manikin on the floor and turned to look at the person who’s voice sounded so vaguely familiar.

Familiar she was. Alicia Demetre. My primary school friend. I went to school with for four years, but fate had other plans for us. After primary school I moved to the other side of town and we never saw or spoke to each other again. I took a good look at her and saw that she hadn’t really changed much in terms of her hair and style. But her eyes. They looked different. Ironic as that sounds, but eyes are one part of the Human body that remain the same since the day we are born to the day we die. So why did her eyes look different? Then, I realised it was really the look in her eyes that was one I had never seen on her. Back in Primary school she was always perky, loud and energetic, and the best quality in her: She was kind and simple; Always forgiving, and not one to get into trouble. I liked that about her. Now she looked concerned, scared, and as I took in the view of her full face, a bit ashamed as well. I wasn’t sure if she remembered me all that well, since it had been 7 years so I decided to remain in my Sales Associate role and treat her like any other customer. “Yes. How can I help you?”, I offered. “I’m looking for the Maternity section”.

As my eyes took a slight glance on her round belly sticking out, I was quite startled. Ms. Alicia Demetre. The super duper smart and clever student, receiving one award after another on her marvellous achievements in school. Ms. Class president going home with straight A’s at the end of every term. The one girl who truly knew the meaning of modesty while the others tended to be egotistical, looking for Maternity clothes?. At the moment I didn’t have time to think about how in the world she had ended up in this state, so I quickly answered her question, “The maternity section is straight ahead to your right.” When I looked her in the eye for the last time, the look changed from scared to shock. She recognized me. Her cheeks began to flush a red color, while I found myself constantly staring at the ground. “Can I help you with anything else?”, I offered in hopes of putting an end to this awkwardness. “No thanks! That’s all I had to ask”, she said politely and quickly walked away.

How, why, what or who got in to this mess, I will never know. Nor, am I going to judge her about the decisions she made, or her fate made for her.Surely Allah(swt) knows best. I merely wish her all the best with all the challenges she is facing, and is about to be faced with in the near future. =/

********************************

Anyways, the sleep is knocking at the door, and I shall answer. Hope you lovelies are having a beautiful Summer full of loads and loads of sunshine, and I will leave you with this cute randomness…

 

Haha!

 

Yours Truly x

 

_________________________________

Title: I’m ready for you – Drake.

Love at first sight BABY!

 

The title got your attention didn’t it ;)

Mind you I have a thing for unique, retro, weird looking, head turning clothes. So when my eyes spotted these in a fashion magazine a couple of weeks ago..It was love at first sight. I was startled that these historic pants that you might find hanging in the back of the closet of a 90 year old woman were back on the Red carpet. I stared at them with lustful eyes and and without wasting anymore time I went on my quest to find them. I did some research online, and apparently there are VERY few left in the city :O. The worst part was that I didn’t know what they are called. Some call them Aladdin Pants, some named them Ali Baba pants, and some just call them “Poofy pants from the 80’s”. All those names are suitable, but it became quite frustrating explaining it to Sales Associates at every damn store I entered. I searched about 15 stores and at the end, guess where I found them? The place I should have checked first and foremost: H&M. My Fashion Heaven. Even they had a limited stock left, as they were getting sold out pretty FAST. I rushed to grabbed a pair of cotton black ones as soon as my eyes spotted them. They fitted perfectly too! :D I even bought a couple of blazers to make a proper outfit!

Anyways, my craving and lust for these super comfortable, sexy pants has been satisfied. Thought I’d share the story of my quest with you all, and in case you are wondering…no I am not transforming my blog into a fashion/trend blog. I don’t have the creative mind for that. I thought it would be nice to post some nice and light stories for a while. Before I bombard you with some proper emotional, ‘got me thinking’ type of posts that I normally publish. ;)

So enjoy it while you can my lovelies. *kisses*

 

Yours Truly x

ps. Does anyone know what the proper name for them is?

“A girl’s best friend and her worst enemy: The hair”

 

Yours Truly is having a proper Gurly girl moment!

God bless the Man/Woman who invented this hairstyle. So good for bad hair days! Just a comb, and a hair tie. I will never have to stress about Messy hair on a Party night ever again thanks to this sexy beauty. Brush. Part. Grab. Tie. Spray. Texturize and Voilà! Done! What a life saver. :D

 

 

Peace.x

“You turned out to be the best thing I never had, and I’m going to always be the best thing you never had.”

 

As much as I love summer and its long sunny days, the dazzling sunsets, the beautiful rains, and the morning dawn, there is one thing that I find quite bothersome about this season. The lack of work. No school, no assignments, no due dates, and basically nothing to consume up your time. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things that one can do over the summer. In fact, some of them can be done only over the summer and not the rest of the year, such as:

• Vacation
• Visiting
• Summer courses
• Summer jobs
• Volunteering
• Blogging
• Reading

However, since the days are so long, there are always hours during the day when one does not have anything to kill the time. And in those moments, one cannot help but miss the days that were so consumed up by time. Deadlines, meetings, work, lectures, coffee dates with friends etc. Though, those days were very well hectic, they kept one busy. Busy enough to distract one from the thoughts of things that are missing. The moments that one had long ago, that will never return. People, who were long ago, and will never return. People who are too far, and one can’t reach.

You see  in the busy, hectic, stressful one was always so busy trying to catch up with the time that always seemed to be running away, that one could not be asked to pause and spare a moment for those distant ones. Sadly, now that one has so much free time lying around in their hands, one wishes to spend it with the distant ones. The distant friends that one hasn’t seen in oh ages. With all this time wasting away, one wishes desperately to put it to use, and kill that feeling of nostalgia, by being with the faraway, yet dearly close friends.

***************************

Makes me smile, this concept of time…when life is busy, one keeps running on and on to catch up with the time that always seems so short. Then, when life is not busy, one has a whole ton of time on their hands,  and it becomes too difficult for one to hold it. So, how do you solve this conflict. How do you make these long moments full of nostalgia pass by? Do you try to reach those long distance friends? Email them? Call them? Heck book a flight and give them surprise? Is that how you break from those empowering gates of nostalgia? No you don’t. That would be well foolish. They don’t have time. They are busy with life. They have many things to consume up their time. There is no nostalgia surrounding them. Or is there…?

 

 

Yours Truly x

“Forgive. Forget. That's a lesson that we haven't learned yet. We try. We cry. But a day doesn't die till the sun is set.”

 

Remember those dawns that break out from the night, and all that remains of the night is the dew resting gently upon the grass? Those breezy summer mornings when the clouds are floating high in the sky like cotton candy? When you lay on the fresh green grass with bare feet and listen to the whispers of the grass needles? The hot summer days when the scorching sun rays burn the back of your neck, and a little breeze comes around and embraces your body ever so lightly, only to leave you yearning for more? Those afternoons when your bare feet take walks on the wet sand as the wavy waters creep upon your feet and trickle between your toes? The evenings as you watch the sun sink lower and lower into the lake, leaving the sky with the most dazzling shades of orange the eye has ever seen? And what about those nights, when the winds make the flowers dance and the trees swing under the starry sky, while the leaves hisser quietly amongst each other?

Those days are back…embrace them, admire them, cherish them, capture them into still frames, and make the most of them while you can. ;)

How has your Summer vacation been so far? :)

 

Yours Truly x

 

 

------------------------------------

Title: The day doesn’t die – Classified

Picture: My Summer vacation part one in Calgary, CA

“It takes one step to go from light to dark, and a thousand steps to go back.”

 

There is something about a doorknob. Something so insignificant and small has the ability of causing an itch in a person’s heart and mind. The sudden urge to hold the doorknob, twist it and open the door to see what’s on the other side? The curiosity, if not suppressed at the right moment, has the ability to take over a person’s nafs [ego]. Direct him or her according to their desires. Desires that require burning many bonds and relations in the fire of greed, and lead to nothing but ashes at the end.

**********************************

“Look. This is not a good idea. What you’re thinking is –”

“Is what? Wrong in the eyes of certain people? So be it”

“ How are you going to get through with this. You don’t even know where you are headed, and don’t forget the hell that would break loose when Mom and Dad find out your plans”

“They won’t. My life. My plans. They don’t need to know anything that’s not about them”

The amount of pain in his eyes was unbearable as those words escaped his tongue. He immediately lowered his gaze to hide the glistening droplets of guilt trying to escape his eyes. To some extent he knew that the step he was about to take was going to shake the earth beneath the feet of his loved ones. That’s not what he feared though. He was afraid of the regret he would be living with for the rest of his life, if he didn’t take this step. This was a “once in a life time” chance. Is there a choice?

“Will you please at least think about it once more before you go ahead with this plan? I can’t see you fall. That’s my only weakness”

For her, the pain was in her voice. The shaking voice barely able to make its way out. After every sentence she spoke, she would take a small sip from her cup to stop her throat from closing in. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. She wished to just grab him by the hand this very second, and drag him with her. She wanted to put him back on the right path, but she couldn’t. His changed perspective, his selfish words, his determination made it difficult to even breathe, let alone try to change his thoughts. Is it too late?

He sat there circling his finger around his cup, and gazing out into space. The only thought lingering around in his head was of his plans and future dreams. Something he would very shortly pursue. There was so much dust in his eyes, that it made his plans and destination look like heaven from afar. The dust of Dunya. Like cocaine and heroine it can also have quite a magical affect. Was it going to last forever?

After another quiet moment of sitting and thinking wishfully about the future he stood up from his seat and began to pack his belongings. As he packed his suitcase, she sat there helplessly staring at him. It was like watching someone fall into a well, except she couldn’t reach out and help him. He was preparing himself to go down that path purposely, and that was as painful as watching an innocent Humming bird being swept up by a Vulture.

“I’m taking my phone with me, in case you need to contact me. Though, I will be changing my number once I get there.”

He could not let a single thing holding him back. Not his parents, not his friends, not even his past. But he couldn’t say goodbye to his sister. She was testing his patience. He wanted to get her out of his sight, so she wouldn’t make him feel guilty about his decision. But each time he tried, her shaking voice and tearful eyes held him back.There was something about the way she stared at him, that made him want to turn back for the slightest second. Did he feel helpless too?

He drifted his gaze away from hers, trying to avoid any second thoughts and continued with his packing. The excitement he felt as he packed his belongings in his suitcase. The inner rush he felt each time he pictured himself reaching his destiny. The destiny that was still unknown. But he didn’t care. He was going to find it. He was ready to start a new life. A life where he would be the focus of attention, and no one else. That had become his motto for the last few years: Me myself and I. When he finished packing he gave her another look, as she still sat there staring at her feet now. It was too difficult to make eye contact with him for the last time. A sight that would be so unbearable, yet haunt her for the rest of her life without him. But there was one more thing she had to ask him. Just one last question before she lost him to the darkness of the Dunya.

“What are you going to gain by doing this? By hurting all your loved ones, do you really think you can live a happy life?”

He gave her one last glance before he lowered his gaze again, only this time to cover the shame in his eyes, and quietly walked out. As the door slammed behind him, her heart felt a sudden shock that made tears break out from her eyes like a gushing river. Staring at the door from which he had left, her eyes  were set upon the doorknob.

                                 *******************************

Allah (swt) says: "The worldly life is nothing but substance of deception."
“If the root of evil is treated and cured, all other maladies flowing from it will also disappear. A man overwhelmed by Hubb-e-dunya has no concern and time for the Aakhirah. Such a person having no care for the Aakhirah will not be bothered about righteous deeds nor will he abstain from evil. The one in whom there is Hubb-e-dunya has very little Fikr for the Deen. Increase in the degree of Hubb-e-dunya brings about a corresponding decrease in Fikr (concern) for the Deen. Total Hubb-e-dunya entails total lack of Fikr for the Deen.”

 

Yours Truly x