Sunday, July 31, 2011

Read it. Ponder over it. Call it what your heart pleases.






That’s what I was feeling like a few days ago. Lying in bed, waiting for sleep to approach but it never came. Hearing friends talk but not listening to a word that escaped their mouth. Sitting in front of an empty Word screen waiting for the mind to spit out some words, but it remained blank. It was overwhelming. I was feeling lost . I had to be somewhere, but my destination was a blur. As sleep had betrayed me, I was constantly tired and never in the mood to speak to anyone. Going out, answering the phone, chatting with the family, I had put a stop on it all. Just me in my room, in my bed trying to figure out where and when I fell off the track. No luck. I felt like a lost bird, in search of peace. I dreaded the nostalgia, and I dreaded the sleepless nights. Keeping busy didn’t help. I would work stupidly long hours in a week, yet still feel empty inside, and more tired. Days went by with more thinking, more depression and more sleepless nights. I was feeling like I was on one side of the edge and everyone on the opposite side. There was no middle ground. And that place? I was still looking to find that one place, which would bring me peace. Where I could quench my thirst.

On Friday morning, around 11am while I was reading a novel I received a Text message on my phone: “Mosque at 1. You coming?”. Normally, I would make up an excuse and say no to any invitations I received during my period of “confusion”. But fate had other plans for me that day. For some reason, that I can’t remember now, I said Yes. I showered, drank a cup of tea and in a matter of half hour I was ready and waiting by the window for her car to show up. In the time I was waiting, I debated a hundred times whether I should call her up and tell her I can’t go to Jummah today, but I couldn’t.

The mosque was packed with people waiting for Salah. As I entered through the doors I could hear the Adhaan so I rushed inside, without stopping to talk to anyone and found a spot at the prayer mats.  I could feel everyone’s eyes staring me down, wondering where I had been for so long. Without further adieu the Salah began and we all stood up in unity, to began the prayers.  A feeling of peace and pleasure flowed through my mind, body and soul as I followed the Imam in the prayers and let myself open up to Allah (swt).  I had found a connection. A connection to something that made everything feel right. The Salah, followed by some supplications, and a lecture by the sheikh all happened over a period of 3 hours. But, where those hours went, I couldn’t keep track of. Lost in my profound state of tranquility I spent the day at the mosque reading up on some books, starting with the Holy Quran and ending with a brief talk with the Sheikh. I was back on track. I had made peace with myself, and my surroundings.  And what do you know? With my mind, body and soul finally at peace I slept like a baby that night.


“And when my servants ask you about Me, then (say to them that) verily I am very near; I answer the prayers of the supplicant when he beseeches Me. So they should hear My call, and believe in Me, so that They may be led aright.”



Ramadan Mubarak to all my dear Muslim followers and readers. :)

Yours Truly x


  1. I found peace the same way as u did. I have always considered ALLAH to be my bestest friend but never turned to HIM much but now when i did i found eternal peace :)

  2. I love this one :)

    Yeah I just took a breathe of relief / depth because I totally understand what you meant :D

    Also, Friday morning .. 11 pm? ;P

  3. Awwh this was lovely. There are always times when we all feel a little disconnected, and lost.

    lol @ lil-bee's comment above :P.

    Take care && Ramadhan mubarak to you too!

  4. Mashallah - its always the first step thats the hardest but when you get back that feeling of peace - Everything seems better - I swear thats how i was feeling during these holidays but when ramadan came - Allahumduilah - Reconnection with Allah - makes life all better! : ) - Beautiful post sis!

  5. lil-bee: haha! like how I snuck that in there? ;) x

  6. Lovely post .. Ramadan Kareem :)