Sunday, July 31, 2011

Read it. Ponder over it. Call it what your heart pleases.

 

Faith

 

Confused.

Empty.

That’s what I was feeling like a few days ago. Lying in bed, waiting for sleep to approach but it never came. Hearing friends talk but not listening to a word that escaped their mouth. Sitting in front of an empty Word screen waiting for the mind to spit out some words, but it remained blank. It was overwhelming. I was feeling lost . I had to be somewhere, but my destination was a blur. As sleep had betrayed me, I was constantly tired and never in the mood to speak to anyone. Going out, answering the phone, chatting with the family, I had put a stop on it all. Just me in my room, in my bed trying to figure out where and when I fell off the track. No luck. I felt like a lost bird, in search of peace. I dreaded the nostalgia, and I dreaded the sleepless nights. Keeping busy didn’t help. I would work stupidly long hours in a week, yet still feel empty inside, and more tired. Days went by with more thinking, more depression and more sleepless nights. I was feeling like I was on one side of the edge and everyone on the opposite side. There was no middle ground. And that place? I was still looking to find that one place, which would bring me peace. Where I could quench my thirst.

On Friday morning, around 11am while I was reading a novel I received a Text message on my phone: “Mosque at 1. You coming?”. Normally, I would make up an excuse and say no to any invitations I received during my period of “confusion”. But fate had other plans for me that day. For some reason, that I can’t remember now, I said Yes. I showered, drank a cup of tea and in a matter of half hour I was ready and waiting by the window for her car to show up. In the time I was waiting, I debated a hundred times whether I should call her up and tell her I can’t go to Jummah today, but I couldn’t.

The mosque was packed with people waiting for Salah. As I entered through the doors I could hear the Adhaan so I rushed inside, without stopping to talk to anyone and found a spot at the prayer mats.  I could feel everyone’s eyes staring me down, wondering where I had been for so long. Without further adieu the Salah began and we all stood up in unity, to began the prayers.  A feeling of peace and pleasure flowed through my mind, body and soul as I followed the Imam in the prayers and let myself open up to Allah (swt).  I had found a connection. A connection to something that made everything feel right. The Salah, followed by some supplications, and a lecture by the sheikh all happened over a period of 3 hours. But, where those hours went, I couldn’t keep track of. Lost in my profound state of tranquility I spent the day at the mosque reading up on some books, starting with the Holy Quran and ending with a brief talk with the Sheikh. I was back on track. I had made peace with myself, and my surroundings.  And what do you know? With my mind, body and soul finally at peace I slept like a baby that night.

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“And when my servants ask you about Me, then (say to them that) verily I am very near; I answer the prayers of the supplicant when he beseeches Me. So they should hear My call, and believe in Me, so that They may be led aright.”

(AL BAQARAH: 186)

 

Ramadan Mubarak to all my dear Muslim followers and readers. :)

Yours Truly x

9 comments:

  1. I found peace the same way as u did. I have always considered ALLAH to be my bestest friend but never turned to HIM much but now when i did i found eternal peace :)

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  2. I love this one :)

    Yeah I just took a breathe of relief / depth because I totally understand what you meant :D

    Also, Friday morning .. 11 pm? ;P

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  3. Awwh this was lovely. There are always times when we all feel a little disconnected, and lost.

    lol @ lil-bee's comment above :P.

    Take care && Ramadhan mubarak to you too!
    :)

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  4. Mashallah - its always the first step thats the hardest but when you get back that feeling of peace - Everything seems better - I swear thats how i was feeling during these holidays but when ramadan came - Allahumduilah - Reconnection with Allah - makes life all better! : ) - Beautiful post sis!

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  5. lil-bee: haha! like how I snuck that in there? ;) x

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  6. Lovely post .. Ramadan Kareem :)

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