There is something about a doorknob. Something so insignificant and small has the ability of causing an itch in a person’s heart and mind. The sudden urge to hold the doorknob, twist it and open the door to see what’s on the other side? The curiosity, if not suppressed at the right moment, has the ability to take over a person’s nafs [ego]. Direct him or her according to their desires. Desires that require burning many bonds and relations in the fire of greed, and lead to nothing but ashes at the end.
“Look. This is not a good idea. What you’re thinking is –”
“Is what? Wrong in the eyes of certain people? So be it”
“ How are you going to get through with this. You don’t even know where you are headed, and don’t forget the hell that would break loose when Mom and Dad find out your plans”
“They won’t. My life. My plans. They don’t need to know anything that’s not about them”
The amount of pain in his eyes was unbearable as those words escaped his tongue. He immediately lowered his gaze to hide the glistening droplets of guilt trying to escape his eyes. To some extent he knew that the step he was about to take was going to shake the earth beneath the feet of his loved ones. That’s not what he feared though. He was afraid of the regret he would be living with for the rest of his life, if he didn’t take this step. This was a “once in a life time” chance. Is there a choice?
“Will you please at least think about it once more before you go ahead with this plan? I can’t see you fall. That’s my only weakness”
For her, the pain was in her voice. The shaking voice barely able to make its way out. After every sentence she spoke, she would take a small sip from her cup to stop her throat from closing in. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. She wished to just grab him by the hand this very second, and drag him with her. She wanted to put him back on the right path, but she couldn’t. His changed perspective, his selfish words, his determination made it difficult to even breathe, let alone try to change his thoughts. Is it too late?
He sat there circling his finger around his cup, and gazing out into space. The only thought lingering around in his head was of his plans and future dreams. Something he would very shortly pursue. There was so much dust in his eyes, that it made his plans and destination look like heaven from afar. The dust of Dunya. Like cocaine and heroine it can also have quite a magical affect. Was it going to last forever?
After another quiet moment of sitting and thinking wishfully about the future he stood up from his seat and began to pack his belongings. As he packed his suitcase, she sat there helplessly staring at him. It was like watching someone fall into a well, except she couldn’t reach out and help him. He was preparing himself to go down that path purposely, and that was as painful as watching an innocent Humming bird being swept up by a Vulture.
“I’m taking my phone with me, in case you need to contact me. Though, I will be changing my number once I get there.”
He could not let a single thing holding him back. Not his parents, not his friends, not even his past. But he couldn’t say goodbye to his sister. She was testing his patience. He wanted to get her out of his sight, so she wouldn’t make him feel guilty about his decision. But each time he tried, her shaking voice and tearful eyes held him back.There was something about the way she stared at him, that made him want to turn back for the slightest second. Did he feel helpless too?
He drifted his gaze away from hers, trying to avoid any second thoughts and continued with his packing. The excitement he felt as he packed his belongings in his suitcase. The inner rush he felt each time he pictured himself reaching his destiny. The destiny that was still unknown. But he didn’t care. He was going to find it. He was ready to start a new life. A life where he would be the focus of attention, and no one else. That had become his motto for the last few years: Me myself and I. When he finished packing he gave her another look, as she still sat there staring at her feet now. It was too difficult to make eye contact with him for the last time. A sight that would be so unbearable, yet haunt her for the rest of her life without him. But there was one more thing she had to ask him. Just one last question before she lost him to the darkness of the Dunya.
“What are you going to gain by doing this? By hurting all your loved ones, do you really think you can live a happy life?”
He gave her one last glance before he lowered his gaze again, only this time to cover the shame in his eyes, and quietly walked out. As the door slammed behind him, her heart felt a sudden shock that made tears break out from her eyes like a gushing river. Staring at the door from which he had left, her eyes were set upon the doorknob.
Allah (swt) says: "The worldly life is nothing but substance of deception."
“If the root of evil is treated and cured, all other maladies flowing from it will also disappear. A man overwhelmed by Hubb-e-dunya has no concern and time for the Aakhirah. Such a person having no care for the Aakhirah will not be bothered about righteous deeds nor will he abstain from evil. The one in whom there is Hubb-e-dunya has very little Fikr for the Deen. Increase in the degree of Hubb-e-dunya brings about a corresponding decrease in Fikr (concern) for the Deen. Total Hubb-e-dunya entails total lack of Fikr for the Deen.”
Yours Truly x